


The Pain of Loss

by Manisca_Rye



Category: British Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Real Person Fiction, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Feels, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Hope, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25120228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manisca_Rye/pseuds/Manisca_Rye
Summary: Grief comes in a moment's notice and your whole world then changes and all you have left is each other to lean on and find strength in. In simpler terms, Tom and his wife deal with the loss of their baby.
Relationships: Tom Holland (Actor)/Reader, Tom Holland (Actor)/You, Tom Holland/Original Character(s), Tom Holland/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	The Pain of Loss

I slowly opened my eyes, blinking a few times as I tried to let my eyes adjust to the darkness of the bedroom, noticing that the alarm clock on the nightstand read a little just after 2 o’clock in the morning.

Before I could attempt to go back to sleep, the sharp feeling of an intense cramp pierced through my lower abdomen and I gasped in pain and brought both hands to massage my stomach. I took a deep breath, waiting as the residual pain faded while wondering what had caused the cramp itself.

After a few moments of quietness, I slowly turned on my other side to stretch out the soreness I felt in my lower back and faced my sleeping hubby of more than two years now, Tom.

Just as I settled into my pillow, another cramp pierced my stomach bringing with it intense pain and causing me to whimper as I closed my eyes to wait out the pain.

The sound of Tom’s husky voice alerted me to the fact that he was now awake. “Love, is everything alright?”

“I don’t know,” I replied, massaging my lower abdomen in slow wide circles with the hopes of alleviating the pain. “It hurts so much.”

When Tom reached over to his side of the bed and switched on the lights, I drew back the covers and sat up hoping to get into a more comfortable position, and instead noticed the blood that had soaked into the cream coloured bed sheets and formed a considerable patch under my legs.

“Tom.” My voice was deceptively calm as I talked. “I think something might be wrong with the baby.”

“The baby?” Tom turned to look at me and when he noticed where my eyes were focused, he immediately jumped into action. “Okay, how do you feel? What do you need?”

I shook my head as I answered, “I think we might need to go to the hospital. I don’t feel too well.”

“Okay. We'll take the car, it'll be much faster that way.” He said as he rushed to my side of the bed, helping me out of bed as I tried to steady myself on my own two feet.

Just as I draped a robe over my sleeping shirt, I was hit by another wave of pain that vibrated through my abdomen and lower back, making me weak in the knees as I leaned forward resting against Tom’s chest.

“Darling?” Tom questioned, as I shook my head and leaned further into him, trying to hold in my whimpers as I felt the remnants of the lasting pain.

“Put your arms around my neck.” Tom gently coaxed as he brought one of his arms to my back and the other behind my legs lifting me up, before making his way out the bedroom door.

Soon enough, we were speeding down the road on our way to the hospital.

I anxiously rubbed my small baby bump with one of my hands as Tom held my other hand while he drove as fast as he possibly could without comprising our safety.

“It’s okay,” Tom said. “Everything is going to be okay. We’re almost there.”

I took deep breaths as I nodded at Tom’s words, agreeing with him as I willed my mind to believe that the baby would be okay and this whole episode would have just been an unnecessary scare.

I looked around the car, blinking my eyes as I tried to focus and faintly registered the sound of Tom’s voice though I couldn’t fully process what he was saying. The more I tried to focus, the more it seemed I couldn’t and shortly thereafter, I slowly felt myself losing consciousness.

***************

Slowly, but gradually my mind seemed to know that I needed to wake up and as soon as this was clear in my mind, I blinked my eyes open, slowly adjusting my eyesight to the unfamiliar clinical looking surroundings.

The only sound in the otherwise silent room was what sounded like a machine of some sort somewhere in the room.

I slowly looked around the room, trying to recall what happened for me to end up in what I was surer by the second, was a hospital room.

My mind eventually noted that I was wearing a hospital gown and that my husband, Tom, was seated in a chair beside the bed I was laying on and seemed to be asleep, based on the sound of gentle breaths I could hear coming from where he lay his head on the very edge of my bed.

I gasped in shock as the memories of the last time I was awake flooded my mind, and I quickly brought my right hand to touch my midsection to feel for the reassuring baby bump that had become a constant source of happiness and anxiety ever since we found out we were expecting our first child.

“How are you feeling?” Tom's quiet voice questioned as he sat up and reached for my left hand, holding it his own.

“I think I’m okay. My body just feels a little weird.” I said as I turned to lay on my side so as to face him and felt a lingering sore pain in my abdomen. “Ouch.”

“Don't push yourself. The doctor said you will need time to heal.” Tom said as he stood up and helped me settle more comfortably into bed.

I patted the space beside me on the bed, indicating that he should join me before asking, “So what exactly do I need to heal from?” While my other hand rested on my baby bump.

When I turned to Tom and saw his eyes watching me silently with an expression of what seemed to be worry and sadness all in one, I immediately knew something was wrong and he was aware of something I was not privy to.

“Tom?” I asked, waiting for him to answer my question. “Is our baby okay?”

He gently took and held both my hands in his before taking a deep breath and making eye contact as he said, in a quiet but firm voice. “We lost our baby. The doctors tried everything they could, but we had already miscarried by the time we arrived at the emergency room.”

I stared into Tom’s dark brown eyes, filled with his own grief and sadness as my own eyes filled with tears.  
“No. You’re lying to me.” My voice was shaky and filled with disbelief as I refused to accept what Tom was telling me, despite a part of me knowing it to be absolutely true as I gazed into his eyes that were bleeding with grief and sadness as he could only nod at my words.

Quiet sobs broke through my lips as I felt a wave of grief wash over me as I brought my hands to cradle the baby bump that had once held the baby I had grown to love immensely in the few months since finding out about its existence.

I barely registered the feeling of Tom getting closer to me on the cramped hospital bed as he carefully and securely wrapped his arms around me and I turned my head against his chest and tried to draw the strength and comfort from him that I so desperately needed at this very moment.

I have no idea how much time passed as we held each other, and mourned for the loss of the child we had just lost, but we eventually both quieted down and were silent with each of our own thoughts.

***************

After being released from the hospital with a course of antibiotics to help treat the bacterial infection that had led to the miscarriage, I was discharged and Tom and I went back home and tried to get back into the swing of things.

I went back to work about a week or two after being released from the hospital and getting cleared by the doctor, and Tom went on with his job as he was currently doing advertising gigs while he was off actively acting.

Everything continued on with an unspoken agreement to not talk about the miscarriage and we just ignored the room we had been turning into a nursery when we still thought we would have a baby.

We had only told our families and closest friends that we were expecting and had not announced the pregnancy publicly beyond our immediate circle, despite the excitement of a first-time pregnancy. And after having miscarried, we had explained to our closest friends and family that we had lost the baby in the briefest of terms and had tried to graciously accept the condolences and empathy we received in return.

This false calm we had created for the past few weeks was shattered when I came home one early evening and found Tom just sitting silently in the nursery while staring out the window.

I stood in the doorway of the nursery, looking around at the unopened boxes against one wall while other furniture and items in shades of ivory and gold were where we had left them the last time we had taken a Saturday afternoon to decorate and prepare the nursery.

“Tom?” I asked as I slowly walked to where he was seated. When he looked up at me with tear tracks on his cheeks, I barely restrained my own eyes from filling with tears as I moved towards him and situated myself in his lap before bringing my arms around his shoulders as he brought his arms around my waist. I held him carefully to my chest for a few silent moments before he started releasing painful sobs, and I tried to comfort him as best I could as he had done for me during the first few days in the hospital after we had initially lost our baby.

When the room eventually grew quiet except for the sound of our breathing, I silently acknowledged what we had been failing to say for the past few weeks and quietly whispered, “We lost our baby before we could even meet him or her.”

It was silent for a few more moments as Tom leaned back against the chair, and we looked at each other as he replied, “She would have grown up to be just as beautiful as her Mum.”

I choked out what was probably a cross between a sob and a giggle as I added “Or maybe as handsome as his Dad. Coupled with your beautiful smile and love of soccer.”

We kept silent as we imagined the child we would have had, before I said something I was just beginning to understand, “We can try to control life, but sometimes it doesn’t always go the way we might want it to.”

With time, Tom and I learned to live with the loss of our child and though we still missed him or her every day, the pain slowly lessened with each new day. Sitting down to long conversations with each other, and with those closest to us helped immensely and eventually, we hoped we would come to a point where we would like to try for another baby after some time had passed.

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate and welcome feedback.


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